just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
