So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
