where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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