I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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