I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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