He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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