OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
