I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
