I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
