My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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