We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
