i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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