party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
