It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
