she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize