in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
