then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
