I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize