Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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