so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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