Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
