I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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