I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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