he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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