Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
