Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize