I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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