he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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