I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
