Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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