So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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