My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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