No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
