i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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