My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
