Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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