At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
