it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
