Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
