mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
