Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i now understand why vodka
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
