I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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