Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
