I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
