I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
