Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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