He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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