I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
