dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
