It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
