someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
