i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
