WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
