I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
