He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
