You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
