i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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