Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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