You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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