Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
