Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
