Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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