He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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