dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
